I’ve forgotten/ ignored my meds last week of so. Not a good time really with the wife going through allot of problems and im trying to do everything i can to help her but i might as well smack my head on a brick wall. Also I’ve been in allot of pain and quite ill for the last few days and its making it hard to help her its not fair on either of us worst thinking ever to feel like im ready for the scrap yard! Every aspect of life has taken a hit in the last few weeks and its just getting on top of me. Sarah has a support network i have……. Joint pains and pulled muscles! But that’s life for you.
All any one seems to do atm is either sleep or Fuck all other than be upset! Starting to grate a bit. Fed up with life right now a few years ago ide prob of sliped back in to selfharm again but I’ve got kids now so i have to set a good example ide like some one close to realise how Hard it is for me to wake up right now i just wanna live in the dark and never go out again and be very very alone so i can have the breakdown that’s been swelling deep in the bile. Oh well in a way its a good job i have low self esteem because i view every one else as more important than me so i get to take care of them in forget about me
im not sure whats going on any more, things are changeing around me and i dont like it
i want to scream my fucking man overys out with temper right not. its not offten i start to loose it i pride my self on keeping a level head for others and not geting up set but right now i just want to loose it, ive had enough of my perents yet again
fucking bullshit cunting inconsiderate stupied guilt triping retarded chit fuck fuck fuck bollocking perents!!!! my mums geting married tomorow and ive made it clear from the begining that when my perents broke up im not going to the weddings out of respect for the other one and some how ive been tricked in to giveing her away witch has put my dads back up (oh and look at that im in the fucking middle again) and its just been one massive stress filled thing so far and i want/wanted nothing to do with it my eldest son has been on holiday with my dad for the last week and after saying that he would drop him off in the town mums geting married in hes now saying he never said that and has thrown everyones day around and fucked it up and caused more problems for us all and prity much said im a fool for going to the wedding in the 1st place. why cant they both just fuck off or at least think about there only childs feeling and needs? (yea that is selfish but if you knew them they only ever do nice things for people including me if it benifits them.) im just fucking pissed off with both of them yet again !!! and to top it off ive not seen jacob for a week and he starts school on monday for the first time.
one advantage of haveing a tumbler has go to be that you can post things that you can on the dreaded facebook!!! every one is out the house and im haveing a beer or a crate… and im wereing nothing but a towel lol. yea no one reads what i put on here so off comes the towel!!!!
Bored of pain now
The last 2 posts are unrelated btw.
Dont like feeling useless!